So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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