Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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