The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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