dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
