you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
