Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
