its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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