you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wow bdsm is so cute
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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