His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
