Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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