3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
