so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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