I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
