i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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