thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
