he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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