Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
