You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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