If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
someone owes me an orgasm
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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