the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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