Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
