made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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