sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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