Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
