awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
