If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
