Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
