Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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