I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
