guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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