TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
