Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
