I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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