If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Randomize
