i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
