and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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