i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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