He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They have beer where we have blood.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
