I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
