So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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