i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
