I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
