It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
