A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my being single is dangerous.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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