Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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