just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
