WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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