Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
