Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
