There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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