I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize