wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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