Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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