Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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