She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This house was built for laser tag.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
