we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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