Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
