dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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