btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
