Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I stole a fireplace last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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