After last night, I could never be a politician.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
