...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
