So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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