the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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