on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
